traurig
by Jennifer7073
Summary: RoyEd Yaoi Edward Deals with the aftermath of a break up. One shot


**Hey:) This is a one shot i thought about doing during class. School's been rough and my parents have been blowing everything up and well i wasn't feeling up to anything. So i decided to right a fic. It's a wateverz thing and a yaoi so you've been warned! :) It's a different style of writing i think so. I wrote it in like half an hour or so. I just needed it to be written cause it made me feel good :) send me good luck for my recital tomorrow enjoy!**

* * *

He didn't know what was wrong with him.

It was like this whole week was going horrible. His heart constantly felt chained and tight. He knew he wasn't sick but it felt horrible. He was exhausted from not being able to sleep and he hadn't been eating right either. Of course he still ate but not as much as before. His brother was worried but he would play it off with a smile.

It happened every time he accidently made eye contact with Roy Mustang. He wasn't sure why he would grip the side of his head and look away trying to avoid staring at Roy. He knew Roy was always staring at him. It became obvious especially when Roy would get jealous he was hanging out with other guys and girls. Ed had been pissed when Roy got in a fight with his best friend because he was trying to get at him.

Ed would never get with anyone else after Roy.

He broke up with Roy because he hadn't felt comfortable. He felt smothered and didn't want to have a relationship. He said he had to think about college and the future. It was a good thing to say to help make the heartbreak easier for Roy. That's what he told himself. Roy had nodded his head telling him to take care of himself and Ed walked away.

He walked away. He saw the hurt in Roy's eyes when he told him he wanted to break up.

It took him a month to realize Roy had changed him. Ed couldn't stand to be in the same room with him. That first week was horrible and Ed felt like crying. But he didn't because he was the one who asked to break up. He didn't want to feel like he was leading Roy on and he broke it off. It didn't exactly help when his best friend Winry constantly talked to him about it.

Ed had a dream about Roy. He couldn't remember what it was about but it was about hugging Roy. It was a comforting feeling and for once Ed thought he made a mistake. He wanted to talk to Roy and think maybe they could have the future. He squashed those thoughts scowling at the board. Then he'd look down feeling his heart drum painfully at the thought.

The most painful experience he had was the day some kid brought a guitar into the room. He had been talking to Winry trying to play off the pain in his heart while being in the same class as Roy Mustang.

But it failed.

It failed when he heard the melody of the guitar. He knew it wasn't the stupid kid playing it. He looked and felt his heart freeze as tears collected in his eyes. Roy played the guitar his back to Ed. Ed faced forward trying not to show how much it affected him.

Then Winry had to say the stupidest thing ever. "If you were still with him he'd be playing that to you, you know?"

He wanted to yell at her and snap at her.

Tell her she should stop pointing out the obvious! She should keep her fucking thoughts to herself.

But he couldn't.

He asked this to happen. His fingers clenched the desk as Winry looked back at Roy who was still playing that song. That stupid song he said he dedicated to him. His heart was beating harder as he ducked his head pretending he was working.

* * *

I'**_m Sorry Roy. I'm sorry. Sorry, Sorry, Sorry._**

* * *

He broke his heart because he didn't want to drag him down. But a part of him wondered why Roy didn't fight to keep him. Hope that Roy would still try and fight flared into his heart. It was extinguished when the song changed and he heard laughter from Roy's group of friends.

He wanted to leave the room. He wanted to demand why life was unfair! He wanted to scream at something. He wanted to shout at the top of his lungs over and over.

* * *

_**I was selfish. I wasn't thinking. I was an idiot.**_

* * *

He picked up his pencil continuing to write and concentrate on his work. He could feel Roy's gaze on him.

* * *

_**The time we were together you made me a promise; I wonder if you still remember what it is?**_

* * *

"He is so staring at you." Winry said with a giggle as she tried to copy Ed's paper. The blonde nodded feeling the same feeling in his chest. It was pain and guilt.

* * *

**_We were going to face the world together. You promised to keep me safe from the zombies and I remember you saying no matter what we'd make it out alive. And I trusted you._**

* * *

After classes he gathered his stuff bolting out of the room. He didn't want to know where Roy was. He wanted to leave and never come back. He stopped when he reached the restroom and ran inside trying to breathe.

* * *

Y_**ou gave me space. You didn't make me say I love you. I think that's what made me like you. You were my best friend and you understood I was cautious with this lover crap. You waited for me to say I love you and you never pushed it on me. You were special.**_

* * *

He wasn't sure why he threw up. He felt sick. He had a practice later and he guessed what he ate and Roy made him give into the feeling of nervousness. He wiped his mouth before turning and leaning his face on the cool door.

* * *

_**I guess I never gave it a chance because I was scared. I'm sorry I hurt you. I should give up trying to find you because I gave you up.**_

* * *

He went to pour water on his face when a voice cut him off.

"Are you alright?" The one bad thing about being gay was men were allowed in the restrooms as well. Ed looked up fearfully into the face of Roy Mustang. Roy looked concerned as Ed swallowed more bile.

* * *

**_Why did you let me go? Would it have made a difference if you tried to keep me? Would you have held me in your arms and begged? Would I have still been with you now? Would I be smiling and not pretending?_**

* * *

"Fine…" Ed mumbled while taking water in his mouth frowning when Roy didn't walk away.

"You looked sick during class do you need to go to the nurse?" Ed shook his head and saw Roy sigh before starting to walk away.

He reached out grabbing his sleeve wanting to blurt out what he was feeling.

* * *

**_Forgive me. I'm sorry._**

* * *

"What is it?" Roy asked confused as Ed ducked his head his tongue feeling numb.

* * *

_I_**_ was wrong. I was stupid. I was scared._**

* * *

"Edward." His name broke his trance as he released Roy and felt tears press on his eyes.

* * *

**_I… I love you._**

* * *

"Never mind." Ed blurted. Roy shuffled his feet before grunting and leaving. Edward fell to his knees grasping the sink and feeling tears slip past his shut eyelids. "I miss your scent, I miss how you made me smile no matter how sad I was." Ed blurted feeling his body shake as he kept in a sob. "I miss how much you care. I miss you." He looked at his knees feeling the feeling in his chest again. "I love you, I really truly love you. And I blew it." Ed shook his head and wiped his eyes.

* * *

**_I'm sorry…_**


End file.
